


Virago Victus

by slashgeek21



Category: Original Work
Genre: F/F, F/M, Gen, Original Character(s), Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-20
Updated: 2017-10-11
Packaged: 2018-12-31 23:37:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 7
Words: 18,868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12143589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/slashgeek21/pseuds/slashgeek21
Summary: It's the year 2024 and after a devastating war there is only 4 million people left in the world. There is no stable government except for a loose collection of corporations that are running the U.S. at the moment. So everyone is immigrating to the U.S. in the hopes of starting over. Since the world's population is so low there is a mandate for women who are the ages of 18-35 that they must live at The Institute where they must try to have at least one child per year till they turn 35. This is to ensure that not only that the population can regrow but it also ensures the corporations that they will have a secured population to get the economy going again.Rachel is one of these unfortunate patients at The Institute. She has been there for 6 years and has not produced a single child. A new partner though brings new hopes of a possible child, which she hopes will not come.





	1. Put into a box with you

**Author's Note:**

> Hello this is a story that I have been working on for a while. I have been posting it on tumblr and now I thought I would give Ao3 a try. I am always eager to hear helpful criticism and anything that I should be aware of to make this story better.

Over the speakers, the morning song plays and the light in my room slowly turn on. I grab my pillow and put it over my head. However, my attempt of silencing out the piano version of Good Morning Sunshine doesn’t work.  
“Good Morning Rachel,” the computerized voice greets me. “Your daily inspection will be in one hour.”

  
I groan as I sit up and stretch my arms over my head. I open my eyes to see the same shitty room. White cinder block walls with white carpet. At least the bed is comfy. I get up and I take off my white hospital gown revealing my naked body. I head to the corner of my room and a shower head comes out of the ceiling. Hot water sprays down my body. I just stand there for a minute doing nothing as my body quickly gets wet. I think about how I just really want to see a movie. Like badly. I push that thought from my though as I wash up.

  
I soon complete my morning ritual and put on a new white gown. I stand by the door waiting for the bastards to come in to do an inspection. Which is useless there is nothing to find because I am in this room all the time. There isn’t really a chance for me to smuggle anything.The door opens and Dr. Roberts and a security guard come in with a tray of my breakfast. The guard checks the bed while Roberts hands me my tray.

  
“She’s clean" the guard confirms. I roll my eyes at that as I set my food on my bed.

  
“It’s a little early to roll your eyes.” Dr. Roberts commented.

  
“Well, considering I am in this room all day it would be hard to sneak shit in.” I retort.He doesn’t respond or give me any reaction really. He just hands me the clipboard. Which I take and sign.

  
“Your new partner will be here soon.” Dr. Roberts tells me as I hand him back the clipboard. “Do you think it will be a successful partnership? Remember this is a great opportunity for the betterment of a capitalistic society. The more there is to the population-“

  
“The better our economy can progress.” I recite back, in a monotone voice. “I don’t know if it will be successful,” I say with a shrug. “Are you done with me yet?”

  
He shrugs in response to my question. I narrow my eyes a little at that response.“Is there a book you would like?” he then asks.

  
“Could you get me a Mid-summer Night’s Dream?” I ask.

  
He then just writes down the title and nods.“Your partner will be here in a couple of hours.” He informs. “Please be ready by then.”

  
The two men leave and I am again alone. I sit on my bed and put the food tray in my lap as I begin to eat my breakfast. I stare off and go into my thoughts. Six fucking years in this room. I have had 12 partners and this whole time I haven’t been pregnant once.To be honest I am impressed with myself. I thought at least I would get a miscarriage. I have nine more fucking years though. Of being in this room, dealing with Roberts and those bastards. Having to be forced with a stranger for six months. These years have been slow, I remember when twelve months used to go by so fast.I remember how when I turned 18, 2016 seemed to go so fast. Especially when summer hit. My friends and I all turned 18 that year. I can remember how lush and green the trees and grass were as we walked around Lake Harriet. The sun was bright that day. We all bought ice cream and we sat at the edge of the lake. Our group of four always had fun together.

There was Aiden, she was shortest of our group and the cutest. She was about 5’2, a curvy body with a large bosom. Her hair was short, and she had cute round eyes. When I first met her she reminded me of an anime character. However, don’t let her cuteness fool you. She was very intelligent and was very independent. We met when she was hired on to the tea shop that I worked at before the war. Olivia, I knew longer than Aiden. We met when I started learning Aikido and we trained at the same dojo together. She was the most laid back out of the four of us. She died her hair a lot and when we were 18, I think her hair was a deep red color at the time. She wore glasses and was the thinnest out of the four of us, but was of average weight. She was a great artist, and was good at just about anything with her hands. Her drawings, paintings, and sculptures were always masterpieces. She also worked at the tea shop as well.Then there was Bridget. I knew her the longest, and we met and became friends in jr. high. She was overweight like me at the time. She had very long hair that went down past her waist. She always kept it in a long braid. Bridget had a very interesting personality, she was blunt and honest. Always. Even if it would offend someone. She was that friend that would always come with a warning label before you would introduce to new people. She too worked at the tea shop. Bridget was always logical to a fault, but she was my closest and dearest friend.

  
They all were my dearest friends really, we all supported each other no matter what. When I was 18, I was overweight as well, but not as overweight as I was now. I think at the time I was about 200 lbs. I was different, personality wise than I was now. I was so much happier back then. I was an idiot. A real fucking idiot with too much faith in people.

  
“Did you get registered to vote?” I asked Aiden that day. She turned 18 not long before, and I always made voting a big deal. Especially that year, I did not want to see people be stupid and not vote at all.  
“Of course I did,” She said with a serious nod. “I would be an idiot not to vote this election.”

  
“Then as soon as the last of us vote we all need to meet at my house to see the results. My mom is going to buy us a bottle of champagne to share when Hilary wins!” I said excitedly.

  
“Do you really think that she is going to win? I know that logically she is the best choice, but it seems that this could really be anyone’s race.” Bridget commented.

  
“Of course she is!” I wanted to reassure her. “I know that polls are really close at the moment and I admit she isn’t my first choice. But people see that’s its either her or a bigoted, sexist, orange freak with horrible hair.”

  
“Bridget does make a point though.” Olivia chimed in. “We shouldn’t be too hopeful. We still have about 4 months left till the election. A lot could happen in that time.”

  
“Yeah, maybe we are just assuming too early?” Aiden added.

  
I remembering looking at each of their faces in that moment. I could see that they wanted to be excited. But as usual, didn’t want to put too much at stake for fear of being crushed with disappointment. I should have been prepared like them. I should have taken that as a sign. But no, me being an idiot I thought for sure that Hilary would win.

  
“Guys I know right now it seems there is a possibility. But in eight years we had a black man as president, repealed don’t ask don’t tell, gay marriage is legal, and weed is practically legal. There has been a lot of progress. I highly doubt that people want to stop that.” I reasoned, it all seemed perfectly reasonable argument that made so much sense in my head. My friends though still didn’t seem convinced. “You know what, let’s just forget the election right now. Lets just focus on having fun tonight.”

  
“Your partner is here Rachel please stand by the door.” I break from my reminiscing upon hearing the announcement and I hold my now empty tray as I stand by the door.The door opens revealing Dr. Roberts and a tall brunette man with blueish green eyes, wearing a tank top with white boxers. Another fucking white guy. You would think that Roberts would at least mix it up this time. I swear that man loves to irritate me.My new partner looks at me and gives an awkward smile. I just give a slight now toward him before looking back at Roberts.

  
“Rachel this is Tom. You are his first partner. Be nice.” Roberts then took my empty tray as he handed me his clip board and I gave my signature then handed it to Tom who also signed it. Roberts then hands me my book and takes the clipboard from Tom. “You two have fun.” Roberts says to Tom with a sly wink and I want to choke the bastard for that. I am, however, able to restrain myself as he leaves the room.The door closes and it’s us in an empty room. He opens his mouth about to say something but I cut him off.

  
“Look, we are only supposed to fuck twice a day for an hour at the sound of the alarm. That’s it.” He looked a little hurt when I said that but hey if I am going to be forced to fuck someone, I want to do it with minimal effort.

  
I laid down on the bed and opened my book. The guy still standing by the door. From the corner of my eye I can see he has the look of a guy who is regretting life decisions. I start to read trying to ignore him. He though looks around the room. Still it’s a little nice to have some company, even if it is forced. He then just sits at the corner of the bed and he’s looking at me. He’s most likely disappointed in the fact that I am fat. Well, I can’t leave the room, ever. So, it’s not like I can go get physical activity any time I want. Plus, the room I am in is small. It has a queen size bed, with a toilet and small sink in one corner, and a shower in the other corner. And fuck it, why do I have to impress him or anyone for that matter? I am 250 lbs, I think, at least that’s what the scale said last month at my OBGYN appointment. She wasn’t happy either, but fuck them all. I am forced to stay here to make babies, not to make them happy. And I am not even producing children anyway.

  
“Midsummer Night’s Dream,” he pointed out revealing his British accent.

  
“You’re British?” I asked surprised looking away from my book.

  
“Oh what tipped you off?” he said with a slight smile, I think he was attempting to bring some humor to the conversation.

  
“Well, well, I guess there is a plus side to being here. I can finally scratch off British on my fuck it list.” I go back to reading.

  
“So, how long have you been here at the institute?” he asked. It seemed like he wanted to make conversation.

  
“Look, lets not make this anymore awkward then it already is. The time right now is 10:00 am, in 30 minutes an annoying alarm will go off and we are going to have to fuck. I am not here to try to be nice to you and make you feel comfortable that’s not my job. You chose to be here, I didn’t, so fuck off.” I saw again the look in his eyes, regretting being here. Not my problem, I turn back to my book.Then for 30 whole minutes it was nice and quiet. I still feel him looking at me. I ignored it, guys are always annoying. Then the dreaded alarm went off. I sigh upon hearing that and close my book.

  
“It is impregnation time, please take off your clothes and commence intercourse. If you resist assistants will come in the room.” the computer voice announces. I take off my hospital gown and I get to a comfortable position on my back. Tom is taking off his tank top and boxers. He then looks over to me and I just nod as if giving permission means anything. I couldn’t help but appreciate the gesture though. He climbs on the bed toward me. I look at his body. He had good muscle tone, but it’s not like he would be in a magazine. I take a look at his dick. It’s a decent size, if I were to guess, probably about 7 inches. I open my legs and he begins to gently touch my legs. As if to reassure me and I feel his hands travel up my thighs. I give him a sharp look.

  
“Look, not that I don’t understand what you’re doing. But just get to it. The sooner we just get to it the better.” He again looks disappointed upon hearing that. He then just positions himself and I close my eyes. I take a deep breath and I feel the tip go in. I keep my eyes close tight and even turn my face away from him as he pushes all the way in. I wince slightly in pain as it was just a little too fast for me to adjust properly.

  
“Are you okay?” I hear him asked concerned.

  
“I’m fine, just do it.” I say through my teeth. My eyes are still closed as he starts to move.

  
He then starts to work up a rhythm and I can hear his breathing getting heavier. I can feel his breath on my skin. I open my eyes to see his face looming over mine as he rapes me. We make eye contact for a brief second before we both look away in disgust. I go back to closing my eyes. I just must distract myself. I must try to think of something else.

  
I think back to the day where it all started to fall. November 8, 2016, voting day. I remember how excited I was when Bridget and I met at my house after voting. As soon as I entered the door I literally ran to the tv to turn it to MSNBC, then I opened my laptop and went on to National Public Radio website and started to play the live coverage as well.

  
“Hopefully, the results will start to come in soon.” I said excitedly.

  
“Rachel, the polls are still open. There isn’t going to be results for hours.” Bridget reminded me. I sort of scoffed at that. I wasn’t going to let her logical reasoning get the better of me today. I was going to get excited, I was going to party.  
Bridget pulled out her cell phone after hearing her text notification. Which was Garrus from Mass Effect two saying how calibrations needed to be done. She looked at her phone and then typed a reply before turning her attention back to me.  
“Looks like Aiden and Olivia are on their way.” Bridget announced.

  
“Perfect, soon as they come over we can order the pizza.” I said enthusiastically.

  
“Rachel, maybe you should just tone down the excitement a bit.” She suggested.

  
“Dude! How can you not be excited? By the end of the night we are going to have our first female President!” I said with way too much confidence at the time. Bridget just smiled back at me in reply. We hear the garage door open and that signaled my mother coming home from work. She soon came through the door carrying the bottle of champagne in a paper bag along with her suitcase. Her I voted sticker decorating her blazer.

  
“Hey girls,” My mom said as she put down her stuff on the kitchen table. “You two were able to vote?”

  
“Yep.” Bridget and I replied in unison.

  
“So how many people are coming over tonight?” She asked as she handed me the bottle.

  
“Oh it’s Me, Bridget, Aiden, and Olivia.” I confirmed for her.

  
“Well, don’t stay up too late. I know you all have class tomorrow.” My mother advised.

  
“Don’t worry mom, this election will wrap up by 10:00” I predicted.

  
“I wouldn’t be too sure. What with Comey bring up more stuff about the emails. It could be anyone’s race.” She warned. I really should have taken that as a sign. If my own mother was skeptical about the outcome I should have been too.

  
“Oh come on mom, it’ll be alright.” At the time I really couldn’t understand why everyone was ready to think that man,…no he was no man…that boy, could possibly win.

  
A grunt breaks me from my mind and I can feel him coming inside me. I can feel him shudder on top of me and he pulls out. I look at the clock and see that there is about 30 minutes left. Impressive, most of my partners barely last 5 minutes.  
“Please continue the intercourse, you have 30 minutes left.” A voice said over the speaker. “If you have trouble we can give you something to help.”

  
Tom gives me a “are you kidding me?” look. I just nod. I see him start to stroke himself. He soon climbs back on top of me and starts again. I continue to block it out.

  
I stared at the t.v. in disbelief. That bigoted, xenophobic, sexist, boy won. It was 3:00 am on November 9th, and the United States voted for a boy who thinks it’s okay to assault women if you’re rich and powerful enough. A boy who thinks that it’s okay to have racism be the cornerstone of their campaign. What the fuck was going on? I couldn’t help but get this feeling that the United States of America just doomed the world. Upon thinking that I remember the disappointment vanished and fear began to set in. I could feel my eyes water up, the United States was fucked. The conservatives finally had the power to run the country. I just knew so many people were going to suffer now. There was going to be more to come in the years ahead. I looked at my friends who were all sleeping on the chairs and couch. I swallowed my tears, not wanting to wake them up from their peaceful sleep. I went to the fridge and took out the champagne bottle from the fridge. I opened it up and poured myself a large glass. I had a feeling that I was going to need more than one glass to try to drown out what I was feeling.

  
The sound of the alarm announcing the end of the intercourse hour goes off and I open my eyes as I feel him come inside me again. He gets off me. He looks disgusted, like he is going to throw up. I roll my eyes to that. I kind of want to tell him that he could leave if raping me was too disgusting, but I don’t, I grab both of my knees and pull them to my chest. I have to keep this position for 30 minutes.

  
“There is a shower in the right corner of the room.” I mention to him. He just nods a bit and heads to the corner the shower head then comes out of the ceiling. The water starts and I can’t help but look at his body. The water runs down his back. He is facing away from me and I get a great look at his ass. It’s a pretty nice one too. He has probably turned many heads while walking. He then looks back at me and I look away. I look over to the clock, it was 12:00 pm. Finally, I can sit up. I do so and grab my hospital gown to put it on.

  
He steps out of the shower and grabs one of the towels from the towel rack next to it. He dries off his hair first before drying off his body. Then he slips on his boxers and sits at the edge of the bed with his tank top in his hands. We both could feel the awkward tension. It never fails that there is going to be that awkward silence after. I feel like he wants me to reassure him. To tell him that I am okay. But, why should I? All my life, I have had to deal with men. Ever since I hit puberty, men became like this creature where you’re not really sure how to deal with. Like they are pretty easy to deal with most of the time, but then when you deal with a real asshole you not really sure what to do.

  
It reminds me of the time I was 15 and I felt a random guy on the light rail grip my ass. Not lightly tap or pinch. Just full on grip. It practically hurt as I felt him just squeeze it so tightly. I felt my eyes go wide and I just froze. He was right behind me and I was afraid to look. I looked around to the other people who just seemed fixated on other stuff than what was going on. When the train stopped I just elbowed him and I ran onto the platform. Before that moment, I had never been touched by a guy I didn’t know. And I realized now I was lucky. It could have been a lot worse than what it could have been. I remember being shocked, disgusted, and wondering what I did that made him think it was okay. I was wearing jeans, and a t-shirt, nothing provocative. Was it that college student I smiled at earlier as I entered the train car? My ass still stung slightly as I started to walk down the city street toward my mother’s work.

  
Before that I know how guys always like to cat call me. Or would talk just loudly enough as I hear them talking to their friends as to what they would do to me in bed. I had been dealing with that since I was 12 years old. But I never thought that someone would be that much of an asshole to touch me like that. I remember feeling scared, and not sure what to do really. I could have gone to security, but he was behind me the whole time. I was too scared to look at his face. I looked behind me though as I approached the government center. What if he followed me off the train? But all I saw was an empty sidewalk and a homeless person sleeping on a nearby bench. When I met up with my mom that day she of course comforted me when I told her. Then the next day she took me to the local dojo to learn self-defense.

  
“Now honey, this isn’t so that you can go find trouble. This is so that when a man things that he can do whatever he wants, he will get what you think should be his punishment.” I couldn’t believe this was coming from a woman who wouldn’t let me watch Power Rangers because she thought it was too violent. “It will happen again. And if I can give you the tools and wisdom you need to defend yourself I will. Not many women your age are as lucky. Don’t waste this opportunity.”  
Tears came to my eyes thinking back on that day. I push that memory out of my head trying not to think of my mother.

  
“Are you okay?” I hear him ask. I look over to him and see that he is concerned. I feel a tear escape my eyes and run down my cheek. His hand reaches for me and I just slap his hand away. He looks a little pissed off at that.

  
“Don’t touch me outside of the hour” I say with malice in my voice to get the point across. He just nods, I can tell he didn’t like hearing that.

  
“Lunch has arrived please take your positions at the door.” The computer voice announced.

  
We both get up and we stand by the door. It opens to a young man in scrubs. He looks familiar, yet I can’t figure out if I met him before. Maybe he just looks like someone from my past. He wheels in our food trays. I take my first and sit at the edge of the bed. I look at him, trying to figure out where I know him from. Then it hits me, he looks like Justin, the assistant manager to the tea shop I worked at.This had to be a trick. This guy looking exactly like him. Except for a scar on the side of his neck. He was practically a clone. His eyes meet mine, and he doesn’t give any indication that he knows me.

  
“Can I help you?” I can hear the irritation in his voice.

  
“Yes, this food taste like shit.” I looked at him intently. I am looking for any sort of flicker of familiarity. But still nothing, maybe I am starting to go insane. Maybe he really isn’t Justin.

  
“Well, it’s either shit food or no food.” He replies. I laugh, fuck he even sounded like Justin. I just sigh slightly as I look back at my tray. I start to eat the bland tasting food. I hear a slight chuckle and look over Tom who has a slight smirk on his lips.  
“What?” I ask and he just goes back to eating his food.

  
“I just can’t help but admire how blunt you are.” He says before taking his first bite.

  
Admire? Well, I am glad that he can still see me as someone who can be admired. It won’t last long though. At the end of the day he will just soon see me as the rest of the men do in this place. He will be just like the others soon enough.


	2. A Midsummer Reality

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did my best to try to show how to speak in iambic pentameter. So if some of the Shakespeare dialogue seems a little weird that's why.

Chapter 2: A Midsummer reality

I wake up to the stupid song again as the lights slowly come up. I open my eyes and stare at the ceiling.

“Good morning Rachel and Tom. You have one hour till inspection. Please be ready.” The computer voice fades. I sit up and look over to Tom on his spot on the floor. He groans a little as he sits up.

“Good morning,” he says with a sleepy smile.

I can’t help but think how cute he looks with his half-closed eyes and bed head. I just nod in response and I get up and trudge to the shower first. He brushes his teeth and then we swap. It’s been a week since we started our living situation. So far, he’s been okay. It was even his idea to sleep on the floor. We barely have spoken no more than 20 words. It’s weird that he hasn’t asked for any entertainment. All he does is just stare at me or the wall.

Occasionally he will look over my shoulder at my book. But he gives me my space. We are both standing by the door, expecting Roberts to come in. However, it was the new nurse pushing in the food trays and a security guard.

“Where is Dr. Roberts?” I ask the nurse. He ignores me though as the guard checks the bed.

“Um…excuse me, she asked you a question.” I look over to Tom, surprised at his reaction. The Justin Nurse just quirks a brow at him then turns to me.

“Unfortunately, Dr. Roberts is sick.” He hands me the clip board which I sign. Then I get handed my breakfast tray. Weird my whole stay here not once has that man been sick. Justin Nurse just stands by the door waiting for the two of us to be done.

“Well, I hope the fellow recovers soon.” Tom says to the nurse.

I don’t, but I didn’t say that out loud. I just eat my food as fast as I can to get Justin Nurse out of my room. Mainly because he reminds me of my past. Of what I used to be.

I remember when I first met him. I was 16 years old, I believe he was about 19 at the time. I had just been hired on and it was my first shift. When we worked together he always had an amused smile on his face and kind eyes. This Justin however, just stares at me in irritation. As if my mere existence is nothing but annoyance to him. I kind of want to say his name to if he will answer to it.

I get done with my food and I set it back on the cart. Tom soon follows. Justin Nurse then leaves.

“You like him?” I look over to Tom at that question.

“No I don’t” I gave him a dirty look, but he has an amused smile on his face. As if he found out a secret about me.

“This whole week whenever he drops off the food you stare at him. I don’t blame you he is quite a handsome bloke.” Tom says jokingly, but I am not laughing. I get in his face to show I mean business.

“Look shut the fuck up, we are not in high school.” I growl out and he steps back with his hands up.

“Alright my lips are sealed on the matter.” Tom still has that smug look though and I want to punch it off his face. Then the alarm goes off.

“God damn it,” I mutter as I take off my hospital gown. I get on the bed. The asshole pissed me off. I spread my legs to get prepared for him. He gets on top and the rape starts. I try to block it out, as best as I can. But for some reason I can’t get lost in my memories.

I can feel him, and it’s not pleasant. I want to tell him stop. I want to push him off me and kick the shit out of him. Fuck, and if I do that, I get sedated strapped down to the bed. Plus, who knows what skill this guy has. He looks about 35, so he was most likely in Britain’s army during the war.

Granted I was in special ops so I tend to have a leg up. But the last time I underestimated my partner I was in a coma for 3 weeks. They still had him rape me the entire time. Nope, I guess I just have to put up with it. Like I must put up with the fact that I have a mountain of debt when I leave this place. Everything gets charged to me, whatever I, and now what Tom uses.

But that was capitalism for you. Create a working class indebted to you. God this was just making me furious.

He comes the first time and I just keep my eyes closed. I don’t want to be here, yet for some reason because of how pissed off I was at his suggestion I can’t drift. I start to feel a hand stroking my inner thigh and going toward my clit.

“Don’t even fucking think about it.” I growl out as a warning and the hand goes away. He’s been trying to do that all week.

Which some people would say hey if he is willing to give back why not? The answer is simple, it’s rape. Just because my rapist happens to also wants me to enjoy it doesn’t give him a pass. He isn’t the first to try either, he is the first to be so insistent about it. Most of my partners usually quit after the first time of trying.

The alarm goes off signaling the end of the hour. I remain on my back still mad about the whole situation. Tom goes and take a shower. I keep my eyes closed though. I am trying to fight the urge not to beat the shit out of him.

“Stop trying that,” I say and even though my eyes are still close, I can hear him turn toward me in the shower.

“Did you say something, sorry, I can’t hear with the water coming down.” He says. I grunt in frustration as I sit up and look at him.

“I said stop doing that. You try that again and I will break your fingers.” I threaten him. He has a hurt look on his face. He’s about to say something, then he stops himself and goes back to showering. Once he is done and drying off he sits on the bed.

“I’m sorry,” I hear him say as he puts on his boxers. “I just…I just wanted to see you like it too.”

I could barely hear that last part, but he said it.

“Look, the situation is what it is.” I said as I turned away from him. “No matter what you say or do, it’s not going to make it any different.”

I stare at the wall as silence fills that room. I feel him get off the bed and I hear him sit on the floor. No doubt he thought I would welcome his perceived kindness. Just like those fucking guys who pretend to be your friend just to sleep with you. People like that make me sick. Great just because you’re nice to me doesn’t mean I am going to fuck you.

It reminds me of a time when I went to a party after I graduated high school.  I remember some college guys were there and one of them took an interest to me. He was nice, practically a gentleman, at first.

We went in the backyard of the house and he kissed me. I remember kissing back excitedly, as one hand pulled me closer to him, and his other hand went under my shirt and grabbed my breast. None of the boys in my high school ever wanted me like this. So to have a college student do this, it made me feel attractive. His hand soon traveled down to my waist and I remember pulling back asking him not to do that. It wasn’t that I didn’t like him, I just didn’t want to lose my virginity at that moment.

“But I was nice to you, wasn’t I?” he told me and that made me push him away. He fell off the bench and I started to walk off. I soon felt a strong grip on my wrist. He pulled me close to him trying to overpower me. He went for my other wrist, but I deflected. I got out of his line of attack and put him a standard Aikido wrist hold before pushing him to the ground. He was definitely shocked at how fast I was for a fat chick.

From the back porch, the smokers that watched it unfold had mixed reactions. As I passed by them I heard some ‘you go girl’ and ‘someone isn’t getting laid tonight.’ I ended up leaving the party soon after.

When I mentioned it to my friends I remember their reactions perfectly. Aiden asked if I was okay. Olivia wondered if I should alert the police. Bridget said I should have broken his fingers and that I was too nice about it. I look over to Tom, who was sitting on the floor pressing his head against the wall with his eyes closed.

Maybe I am still being too nice. I get up and head to the shower to rinse off. I try to figure out what I could say during the shower. What could I say to him not to necessarily help him feel better. But to let him that this need for him, to have me feel good, it’s going to fuck with my head. Well, fuck me up even more than I am now.

I soon step out of the shower and I can feel his eyes on me as I dry myself off and put on my hospital gown. I sit at the edge of the bed, facing him.

“I am not going to apologize for my behavior.” I start “We both know the situation this is. I don’t want to feel good during the hour, because you are raping me. To try to make it more than that is like putting a band aid over a bullet wound. I just want it to be as simple as possible. Nothing more, nothing less. Do you understand?”

“Yes, I do.” Tom says. “I promise to abide by your rules.”

I nod at that, satisfied that we have come to an understanding. I grab my book, about to start reading, but then I hand it to him. He’s surprised at my gesture and takes it. I lay on the bed staring up at the ceiling.

“Won’t you be bored?” he asks.

“Oh, I have read over 100 times. I am just memorizing it now.” I tell him while still looking at the ceiling.

“Are you familiar with Shakespeare’s works?” he asks.

“I am, I even played Hermia in a production of it.” I tell him.

“You are an actor?” I can hear slight excitement in his voice.

“In another life, that’s all I wanted to be.” There was a pause after that. I turned my head at him I could see a look of sad reminiscing. I recognized that look well. I remember how soldiers in my unit would look like that when thinking back what life was like. He then opened the book  and started turning the pages.

“How now my love? Why is your cheek so pale? How chance the roses there do fade so fast?” Damn, he must have been classically trained. He placed the right emphasis and everything.

“Be like for want of rain,” I begin “Which I could well. Beteem them from the tempest of my eyes”

Before he reads another line we get interrupted.

“Please stand by the door. Lunch is here.” The computer voice announces. Tom tosses the book on my bed and we stand by door.

“You know, this is the first time you’ve interacted with me for more than 5 minutes.” Tom states as the door opens. The same nurse pushes in the cart.

Yep he was an actor before the war. It made sense why he craved so much interaction. He kind of reminded me of a dog. Which is a high compliment considering he rapes me twice a day. I grab my tray and again we eat. The same nurse waiting patiently for us to finish. This time I make a point not to stare at him. Mainly because I don’t want Tom to say anything. We eat in silence, and it’s funny I used to hate silence.

I have to pay for music, tv, and to use a computer. I even have to pay for the lights I don’t have control over. Now, supposedly, the child who is the product of the partnership gets sold to the highest bidder. That in turn pays for what’s been used. I don’t really believe that if I was being honest with myself. I am sure there is a lot of interest built up over my 6 years here. Plus, unlike Tom, my previous partners loved their music, movies, and video games.

Books are the cheapest and I pride myself on having an awesome imagination. Though, I do miss the internet. I wonder if they ever got that back up after I came here? Soon lunch is done with and it’s just back to us in a room.

If I was still in theater this would have been a great premise for a play. Tom is still looking through the play, and once in while he will say a line and I will say the response perfectly. It’s almost like a game. As if he wants to catch me off guard.

“Tarry, rash wanton. Am not I thy lord?” I hear him say.

Nice try, he doesn’t realize that this is one of my favorite parts. Where Oberon and Titania are bickering and jealous of each other.

“Then I must be they lady; but I know when thou hast stolen away from fairy land,

And in the share of Corin sat all day,

Playing on pipes of corn and versing love

To amorous Phillida. Why art thou here,

Come from the farthest steep of India,

But that, forsooth, the bouncing Amazon

Your buskind mistress and our warrior love,

To Theseus must be wedded, and you come

To give their bed joy and prosperity?”

I recite back perfectly and he claps soon after. Oh that just gives me a familiar ache in my chest. I miss being on stage, so, so, much.

I wonder if he gets that same ache. Theatre was outlawed in the U.S. in 2018 it was considered too subversive. Britain followed soon after. I got drafted in 2017 so it’s not like I got a chance to do a show when I started my service. Considering how much older he is, he was an actor longer than I. I wasn’t surprised when my country did it, a lot of people in my country see theatre as something the liberal elites do in between abortions. I was truly surprised when I heard that Britain, the capital of the theatre world, outlawed it too. It’s amazing how fear can change the status quo so quickly.

“Rachel, how old are you?” I hear him ask. I am a little puzzled hearing that question. I figured Roberts already told him.

“I’m 26,” I answer back. He seems to sigh a little in relief upon hearing that. “Did you think I was older?”

“Actually, I was afraid you were younger.” I hear him say. “I wouldn’t feel comfortable if the age gap is too wide.”

A rapist who has standards, I never thought I would meet one.

“How old are you?” I ask him back.

“36,” he replies flipping through the book. It’s amazing for 6 years every forced partnership I had not a single one of them asked my age. Supposedly, as soon as you turned 18 you were forced to the institute, but of course you always hear the opposite. I had heard that they would take girls as young as 12 soon after they got their first period. Maybe that’s why they never asked my age. Its one thing to be a rapist, but to rape a minor, I guess all of them had their standards.

Even before the war I remember hearing new stories of young girls raped and no one believing them. Or how they could have avoided it. Making rape either some sort of myth women cry to get back at men, or saying that it’s their fault no matter what. Rape today is okay because it gives to the population. If I get pregnant somehow, I hope it’s a boy. If I had a girl, I would do everything in my power to make sure she didn’t grow up.

“For love, you faint with wand’ring in the wood;

And to the speak troth, I have forgot our way.

We’ll rest us, Hermia, if you think it good,

 And tarry for the comfort of the day.” Tom said standing up and gesturing to the bed to emphasize the resting line.

“Be it so Lysander. Find you out a bed,

For I upon this bank will rest my head.” I said as I then to emphasize the line lie my head on my pillow, waving my hand a little to make my point to send him on his way like Hermia would have done. I then see a mischievous look in his eye. Looks like Tom is getting into character. I then just put on an innocent smile.

“One turf shall serve as pillow for us both,

One heart, one bed, two bosoms, and one troth.” He steps a bit closer to the bed and his hand gestures for me to scoot over to make room. But I playfully smile, shake my head, sit up and point to the pillow on the floor.

“Nay, good Lysander. For my sake, my dear,

Lie further off yet; do not lie so near.” Hermia was taking over now. It was weird how a character could take over so quickly.

“O, take the sense, sweet, of my innocence.

Love takes the meaning in love’s conference.

I mean that my heart unto yours is knit,

So that but one heart we can make of it:

Two bosoms and a single troth.

Then by your side no bed room me deny,

For lying so, Hermia, I do not lie.”

Ah yes, Lysander’s speech convincing Hermia to let him lie with her. I mean, of course he was hoping for more. Hermia gives him a loving smile, but in a more friendly but definite tone, she delivers her rejection.

“Lysander riddles very prettily,

Now much beshrew my manners and my pride

If Hermia meant to say Lysander lied.

But, gentle friend, for love and courtesy

Lie further off, in human modesty

Such separation as may well be said

Becomes a virtuous bachelor and a maid,

So far be distant; and good night sweet friend.

Thy love ne’er alter till thy sweet life end.”

Lysander frowns slightly but then nods a smile donning his face agreeing with Hermia.

“Amen, amen, to that fair prayer say I,

And then end life when I end loyalty.

Here is my bed. Sleep give thee all his rest!”

He then just is about to hug me then stops. We both realized that he was going to break the no touching rule. He then to remain in character just does a playful wave as he turns to his spot on the floor.

“With half that wish the wisher’s eyes be pressed!”

Hermia she calls after to him.

 

Then scene has ended and there is a pause between us, and we both start to laugh. I am not sure why we are laughing. Maybe it’s the premise of the scene. A woman wanting to remain steadfast in her modesty as a virtuous maiden. She knows the temptation being all alone with the man she loves.

“You are quite talented.” I just smile slightly and shrug in response. “I am serious Rachel, in fact, I think you would have done well on the London stage.”

Hearing that come from him I know is high praise. I again feel that familiar ache. Who knows what would happened if life turned out differently. Would I be a successful actor? Every night a new audience to entertain. Have a legion of fans give me letters and gifts. Paparazzi taking my pictures. Would Tom and I meet each other? Would we have worked together?

“Are you okay? I didn’t make you mad, did I?” He asks with concern in his voice.

“Sorry, I just need to be left alone for a bit. You can still look at the book.” I tell him as I just get on the bed and face away from him.

I start to remember my very first show. I was 5, and it was with a local community theater. They were doing a version of Jack and the giant beanstalk. I played one of the beans. A Mexican jumping bean to be precise. Not the most racially sensitive part I ever played, I remember the costume had a stereo typical poncho and sombrero over green clothes.

I will never forget my first night of that show. Hearing that applause, I instantly became addicted. At 5 I was going to become an actor. My parents were always supportive of me. My sister not so much, but I do not want to think of her right now. Traitors don’t deserve nostalgia.

“Rachel…it’s nearly time.” Tom warns me. Fuck, I look at the clock and yep 15 minutes till my evening rape at 5:30. Then we have dinner at 7:00 pm. Then it’s lights out at 10:00 pm.

I take off my robe and pull the covers off my body. It starts but this time my mind drifts off. I remember my first starring role. I was 17, jr year of high school. I worked hard for that part too. Normally, the leads went to the thinner girls of the school. Stepping out on that stage, playing Hermia. A young maiden forced to choose between true love and the approval of her father. Seems such a silly situation compared to right now.

Is love even still a thing? Will someone still be able to love me after this? Look at me as I am, not judge me with what is happening to me right now? Will my friends still accept me? I used to have my future figured out, the only thing I must do is wait till I am 35, and really hope I don’t get pregnant. If there really is some sort of creator out there, please make sure I don’t get pregnant. I don’t want my child born into this world.

I never wanted kids in the first place.


	3. An apple a day, is a very good habit to keep up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who would like more information on what a t-shape cervix is here is a link that explains it more in depth: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/T-shaped_uterus. Otherwise I hope you enjoy the chapter.

I am getting my check up today at the OBGYN. I wait by the door patiently waiting for Doctor Roberts to come get me. The door opens Justin Nurse coming in first with the wheel chair with straps on it with Roberts behind him. I sit in the chair and Justin Nurse starts to strap me in. Tom is surprised that I am getting strapped in.

“I though you said it was a doctor’s appointment.” Tom states as the nurse finishes strapping me in and puts a black cloth bag over my head.

“It’s for safety purposes Tom, it’s nothing to worry about we’ll have Rachel back in about an hour.” Roberts reassured him. It’s for their safety though, Roberts of course is not stupid, he was aware of my special ops. I was trained that when I was captured, I observe my surrounding quickly, then when I find a crack in the security, I expose it and escape. However, in the wheel chair with the bag I can’t really get a good hold of my surroundings. I can’t look for windows, laundry shoots that can fit a body, or even get a good look at the vents. Plus, I can’t observe the security in the hallway as well. So, even when I can get out of the restraints and beat the ever-loving shit out of Roberts and knock out Justin nurse I don’t know if I would get shot in the process.

“Tom I’ll be fine. I won’t be gone long. Just brush up on the mechanicals play.” I say as I get pulled out of the room and pushed down the hallway.

“You two are friendly with each other.” Roberts commented.

“Well, he’s at least entertaining.” I reply. It’s true, I am more talkative to Tom now. 2 weeks since we started living together and we’ve just been acting out scenes for Midsummer. We’ll talk about Shakespeare, try to decode what he meant. But that’s pretty much it. We aren’t friends, we are more like being students in an acting class.

I feel the wheel chair stop and a ding of an elevator door. I soon feel the elevator go up. Then another ding signaling the end of the ride and being wheeled down another hallway. The smell of bleach fills my nostrils as we stop.

“Nurse, please take Rachel into the room. I will be there in a minute.” Damn, I thought I would be able to put a name to a face. I hear the door open and is pushed in a room.

“Ah yes, Rachel, just wait a couple minutes with her nurse and I will be back. You can undo the restraints and have her sit on the table.” Dr. Birchenson then left the room. I fucking hate this bitch. The bag gets taken off my head as I hear the door close and the nurse starts to undo the straps.

“Thanks,” I say as I stand up from the chair and sit on the table and its quiet. I want to say his name, see if the nurse will answer to it. I but I don’t. I am tempted to do it, but I guess I am just really hoping that this nurse could be Justin. Dr. Bitch then comes back to the room.

“Rachel how have you been?” She says with a fake smile on her lips. I really fucking hate this bitch. How can she live with herself in helping these people? I really want to kill her, and it’s not like I have tried, she is just really quick with a needle.

“I have been fine,” I start “physically at least. I mean I have depression, PTSD, insomnia, anxiety, and I am living with a new rapist. You already know that though. So I guess nothing new to report.”

I see her roll her eyes at me when I say that. Fucking bitch, I can’t help but think what she would look like with her head a part from her body, in my hands. Women like her make me sick. The type of woman who has benefitted from the system. Since she herself is not effected by the new government, she doesn’t give a shit. It’s like before the war, and I would see white women support that boy for President.

Because of their skin, they have the benefit of white privilege, so they are free to live in ignorance. Believing that inequality between the sexes is a lie, or worse say that it should be allowed since women are supposed to be submissive in all aspects of life. Allowing themselves to be complacent no matter what. All for the sake of peace and protection. When really, it’s just a glorified prison they put themselves in. She pulls out the foot stirrups and I put my feet in them.

“So, I hear your new guy is British.” She started as she put her gloves on and put some lube on her finger. “Is he cute?”

“Every time I get a new partner you always try girl talk. How about for once you just do the check up and not talk.” I ask almost wanting to please with her.

“You’re no fun.” She starts. “You get laid twice a day, you should be in a better mood.”

I clench my fist hard, trying to resist snapping that neck of hers for saying that. I see slight movement out of the corner of my eye. Justin nurse I notice was also glaring at her, fist clenched as well. Was he also mad about that remark? He notices me staring at him and he put his hands behind his back.

It’s interesting to see legit anger on his face. I soon hear her though put on her gloves, with a little lube on the end on her finger and puts in finger in me.

“When was your last period?” She asks before pulling out her finger.

“About 3 weeks ago” I reply back. I can see the disappointment on her face. “Well, you are the ones that are beating a dead horse. You know it’s hard for me to conceive. Just give up.”

Her face then changed from disappointment to fury upon hearing that.

“Don’t you want our great nation to get past the war? In order to secure our future. We must-“ I interrupt her.

“Secure our population. I get it. Look can we just finish the check up?” I am starting to lose my patience with her.

“You’ll see once you are pregnant, you will change your mind.” She says grabbing the vagina spreader to do the pap smear.

“The day I get pregnant, is the day my life is over.” I say out loud not really thinking about what I was saying and I immediately feel a back of a hand across my face. I don’t look back in shock or anything. In fact I am a little surprised that she hasn’t slapped me sooner. I just open my eyes to see her face even angrier.

“Don’t ever say that again! Pregnancy is a gift! It’s a miracle us women must treasure.” She took off her gloves and looked at the nurse. “We can skip the pap smear, she can go back.”

Doctor bitch leaves the room and I feel a bruise forming on the right side of my face. I get off the table and sit in the wheel chair. Justin nurse starts to strap me in.

“How bad is the bruise?” I ask and he looks up at me as he finishes strapping my legs in.

“It’s a bit red right now, it’ll start to bruise in a minute.” He then finishes the last of the leg straps before moving to my torso.

“I am surprised she could slap that hard.” I say as he works up to strapping in my arms.

He doesn’t really say anything else though as grabs the black bag. He pause though, and looks at me with sadness in his eyes.

“Don’t look at me like that, please, you remind me too much of him.” He then looks confused and is about to say something then Dr. Roberts comes in not looking happy.

“You are lucky that she is still willing to be your doctor after what you said. Take Rachel to her room.” The bag gets put over my head and I get taken back.

As soon as Tom sees the bruise on my cheek he is livid. Justin nurse ignores him as he undoes the straps on the wheel chair.

“Is this how you treat the women here? They are giving up a good chunk of their lives to get pregnant for us.” Tom’s voice was rising now.

“Tom, I’m fine, I was just slapped. I have been through worse.” I say to try to deescalate the situation.

 However, he is not satisfied with my answer as I get out of the wheel chair. Justin nurse takes his leave. Tom reaches for the bruise on my cheek as if wanting to take a good look at it. I brush his hand away though.

“Tom, I am fine. I just pissed off the OBGYN, and she slapped me. That’s it.” I sit on the bed. “Like I said. I’ve dealt with worse.”

“What did you say that set her off?” he asks as he sat back down on the floor by his pillow.

“That’s none of your business.” I say as I lay down.

“You know, I am trying to help,”  he says as if that’s supposed to mean something.

“Help me? If you really wanted to help a place like this would have never existed.” I say as I turn away from him. “Look just leave me alone right now.”

 

I just hear him sigh in response and pages of a book being turned. I close my eyes and I drift. Weirdly enough I think back when I got the news about my cervix being t-shaped. I was 16, and normally, you didn’t have to do pap smears till you are sexually active. But since I started birth control when I was 13 to regulate my period, and my mother had a t-shape cervix my doctor suggested it.

I still remember the look on her face, I could tell she was trying to figure out how to break the news to me.

“I guess I have it?” I just say to make it easier for her.

“Yes, but it doesn’t mean that it should stop you from having kids when you are older.” It was strange that was first thing out of her mouth. I mean there is also a higher risk of getting cervical cancer. Shouldn’t she also make sure to mention that I get pap smears every year?

Yet, she just had to let me know it shouldn’t stop me. I was 16, I wasn’t thinking about kids, I was thinking about finishing high school, going to college. At the time I didn’t see kids as something I want to have, I still don’t. Yet, even before this whole mandatory pregnancy law, society had always been putting on the pressure.

“Rachel, it’s nearly time.” Tom warns and I roll over and look at the clock. Yep, 15 minutes till I am raped. I just lie on my back taking my gown off. I see him taking off his clothes and sits on the bed. The alarm goes off and I have him one top of me doing his thing. Meanwhile I think back to when I told my mom about my cervix.

We were at the kitchen table and she nodded in a way as if expecting that this would happened. Next thing I know she is pulling out a thick folder filled with medical papers. That’s when I found out that she had an ectopic pregnancy. I was surprised, I didn’t realize my mother lost a child before me.

“This happened a year before you were born. To be t-shaped and wanting children, you will have this happen. Miscarriages will happen. With you there was a high risk of getting downs syndrome. The last six months of your pregnancy I was put on bed rest. However, you still came out perfect.” She then showed my picture as a newborn. “I know kids are the last thing on your mind as a 16 year old. But you need to know, with us, bearing children will be a hard process.”

I look up at Tom, who has his eyes close at the moment and I can hear a slight moan escape his lips as his dick is in me. I wonder who he is thinking of right now as he is raping me? A wife who pressured him to come because of the money that was given to the men. Maybe a past girlfriend who tragically died in the name of keeping the western world alive. I remember I used to do that with previous partners here. Think about my past lovers to cope. However, I keep losing my ability to drift.

He comes and soon the alarm goes off signaling the end of the time. He gets off and goes to shower. I remain where I am at and stare at the ceiling. I feel tears come to my eyes and I start to cry. It I am not like saying tears coming up to my eye, I am starting to wail. Tom jumps almost hearing that and looks at me with shock. I can tell he doesn’t know what to do, I don’t want him to touch me, yet I can see he wants to comfort me.

I continue to cry then curl up in a ball. It’s been years since I cried like this, but I feel like its been a long time coming. I am in pain, both emotionally and physically. I can’t beat people up, and if I kill Tom it will get worse for me. I can’t escape, and I miss my life. So, crying and wailing is all I have left now. I hear the door open and Justin Nurse comes in and I see a needle in his hand. I look up at him.

“Please, just let me do this.” And he just sighs and sits on the bed, Tom is in the corner, and I am just crying. After what seems like forever, I finally stop producing tears.

“You done?” I hear Justin Nurse ask as I get quiet. I look up at him and nod in response. I could see him trying to maintain a neutral face. Yet, in his eyes I can see sadness, as if he wants to cry too. He looks over to Tom. “She should be good now, if she gets worse though just shout again and I will be back.”

“What was wrong with her?” I almost want to cuss out Tom upon him asking that, and Justin Nurse doesn’t look happy hearing that either.

“Sometimes the women will have episodes like this. You did the right thing though. Just shout for us again and I will come back in case if she needs sedation.” he leaves and Tom sits on the bed.

“I rather not talk about this Tom, you are probably wondering if it was something you did.” I look over to him and my eyes still feel hot and he nods. “Well, yes, but there is more to it. You will never understand though.”

“I want to understand though, I want to know you better. How can I help you, be there for you if I barely know who you are? I need more than just this superficial relationship that you are giving me. We could have a baby soon, and you are going to need me for help. Please, Rachel, I want to know who you are. What happened to you. And I will give you the same.” I look up to Tom and he does look sincere. It could be the emotional high that I was having right now from my breakdown or maybe it was close to lights out and I had a feeling he wasn’t going to let this go.

“Alright, starting tomorrow, I will give you what you want. You just have to promise not to judge me, and I won’t judge you.” He lights up upon hearing that and goes back to his pillow on the ground.

The lights soon go out and it’s going to be interesting. To tell him everything about myself, and he will the same in return. He better not be expecting a romantic relationship though from this. Because seriously, I may be willing to tell him about myself, but he shouldn’t equate that to anything romantic. After all he rapes me twice a day, it would be fucked up if he expected more.

 

 


	4. Aiden the cute one

It was the morning and we both did our typical morning ritual. Breakfast came and went and now it was time to tell Tom everything. He kept looking at me as if eager, like a kid who was going to go see his favorite movie. He takes his position on the floor and I sit on the bed facing him.

“Before, I get into anything I like any good story tell have to give you a feel of the cast of characters in my life. So today, I am going to introduce you to one of my friends and special ops comrade Aiden.” I say and Tom nods.

“What was he like?” he asked.

“Actually, he is a she and she was great.”  I say and I start to reminisce. “She was one of the 3 friends that I would trust completely with my life. Before I go any further Tom, you must understand what I am going to tell you is stuff that I have never told anyone. You want to know everything and I will give you all the information I am not going to sugar coat anything. Do you understand? So, I don’t want judgement, and I don’t want snide commentary.”

“Rachel, I promise that I will not judge and I won’t be insensitive. I will only talk if I have questions.” Tom promised and I nodded.

“Alright, like I said Aiden was one of best people ever. She was smart and cute. She was about 5’2, big cute brown eyes, and always had a smile on her face.” I start to drift as I talk.

I met her when I was working at a tea shop back in my home state of Minnesota. I remember when she got hired and she had a nervous smile on her face. I was her supervisor, and at first, she was a little shy. Yet, we warmed up to each other and became fast friends.

Aiden was really smart she hoped to major in anthropology when she got to college. Of course, that didn’t happen, but before we all got drafted, I could see her as really excelling in that field. She also had a boyfriend, his name was Jared, who was perfect for her. He was also really tall so it was somewhat amusing to see a very tall guy having to lean down to kiss a woman as short as her.

What made me accept Aiden as one of my great circle of friends was the fact that no matter what she would be there with an ear to listen to your troubles and even if she couldn’t give you advice she would at least be sympathetic to your situation. Out of my group of friends she and I were the most extroverted. I could rely on her to want to go out and have fun.

I just remember when I realized that she was someone that I should not let go of. We were in the tea shop and I was a little down. I was having a hard time with my family, and I wasn’t sure what to do really, and who I could talk to about this. I didn’t see my therapist so a couple of weeks, but I didn’t want to burden anyone else with my problems.

Yet, Aiden looked at me and could just tell that I needed to talk to someone. So as I was staring off into space sweeping the floor of the shop.

“Rachel, you have been sweeping the same spot on the floor for the past 10 minutes.” I looked back at her giving her my everything is okay smile. I don’t know really what to say now to excuse away my mood, but when she gave me an I am not buying it look I realized that we had reached that point that she was concerned about me. Not as a coworker but as a legitimate friend. So, I explained what was going at my home life.

“What was going on at home?” Tom asked, I shook my head.

“Not yet, I have to introduce the important people of my life before I give you my whole story.” I explain and Tom again gets quiet.

Anyway, so next thing I know I am inviting her to hang out with me and it was like she was always meant to. We became inseparable, and she was the perfect fourth to our group of 3. Even though we were the same age, she was like a little sister to me, and I was very protective of her. Since she was the prettiest of the 4 of us she got ogled and hit on a lot. I of course always made sure that she was safe.

When we got drafted, I knew that Olivia and Bridget could handle what life threw at them. But I was worried most about Aiden, but I was wrong. She took everything in stride, and I knew that I had nothing to worry about when we all split up into different units.

The morning alarm interrupted me. And we did what we had to, I was a little irritated of getting interrupted. As soon as we both showered I went back to explaining Aiden.

“If there was one thing that I want to get across with Aiden was that she always was willing to help you no matter what, no questions asked.” I said as I remember thinking back to a time where I did need her help.

I was having issues with dealing with my sexuality. You have to understand, I wasn’t really sure who to talk to about what was going on. I tried talking to my mother, who didn’t really understand. My other friends had their own stuff to deal with, and so one night as we were closing the shop. I looked at her and just I asked her something without really thinking, I just needed someone to understand.

“Do you ever see girls and think they’re hot?” At the time, I was trying to come to terms with being pansexual.

“What is pansexual?” Tom asked and I just sighed realizing that even though he may look young, he is still from a whole other generation.

“I don’t see gender as a factor when dating. Basically, if I find you attractive, it doesn’t matter if you are man, woman, trans, genderfluid, androgynous, etc. I have the potential to date everyone.” I explain to him.

“Got it, okay, you can continue.” He says with a nod.

You must understand, even though at the time, homosexuality was more accepted than it had ever been. I still found guys attractive, and I knew that bisexual was a thing, but I just had to see if someone else just felt what I felt or at least be sympathetic.

I was expecting it to be awkward, but she just smiled.

“Do you think that you are a lesbian?” she asked. I soon explained to her that I have been realizing that I literally can find every gender attractive. I told her that I have a crush on Tom Hiddleston, Beyoncé, and Lavern Cox. I told her that it felt weird that I couldn’t just be one or the other. I wasn’t sure what to do. Was this normal? Was this a phase?

 “I can see why you would feel weird about it. Sexuality is a hard thing to decipher at times. I can’t really think of the term either, and maybe later in life you will put a name on it. However, one thing that you are good at doing Rachel is going with the flow. Just don’t stress about it. When we get older we are going to be having relationships with a lot of different people in life. I may not still be with Jared. But remember, the main thing you always want from a relationship is happiness. If you have that, then it shouldn’t matter who you are attracted to.” I really took those words to heart.

That really summed up Aiden as a person as well. Look for the happiness of your experiences. Yes, life can be shitty, but happiness for a lot of people come few and far between. So, find it, hold onto it, and try to cherish as best you can. That was Aiden, the happiness, I knew I needed to hold onto her.

When I finished explaining at who Aiden was I looked at Tom who was smiling. Just explaining Aiden as a person made people smile. But that’s just who she was as a person. Even in explanation she brings a smile.


	5. Olivia the chill one

Lunch soon comes and Tom and I eat. I can tell he is eager to know who else is going to be a part of my past. And to be honest, it’s nice to talk about it. At least for now, who knows how I will feel once I start to get into the main part of my story. Justin Nurse is standing at the door, and I look at him and notice he doesn’t really look irritated today. He looked really troubled, as if he has something on his mind. I kind of want to thank him for not sedating me yesterday during my meltdown and just letting me cry. I hope he didn’t get in trouble.

He notices me looking at him and he then puts on his typical irritated face. I just smile a little before going back to finishing up my food. Obviously, whether or not he is the Justin from my past, I can see he seems to have a lot to deal with. Even though I hate pretty much everyone in the institution, I think I don’t hate him, I just am not happy that he works here.

Justin Nurse soon takes his leave and again Tom is eagerly waiting for me to introduce my next person who will be featured from my past.

“Olivia, was one of those friends who always reminded you to take it easy.” I started thinking back to her. “She was smart, and a wonderful artist. I always hoped that I would see her works in a museum or someone’s private collection. She had a way of capturing the beauty of the darkest creatures that roamed around in our imaginations. In fact, at one point I had hope she would help me create a comic, that never really happened though.”

I met her in a when I started to learn aikido at my dojo. She was new too, and we got along really well, in fact we did a project together for our instructor. We didn’t really hit it off until she started working at the tea shop. I remember entering work, and I saw her at the tea counter. We had never really hung out outside of aikido, so when I saw her I was surprised.

“Hey, you work here now?” I asked excitedly.

“You work here as well?” she said with a relieved smile on her face.

And we soon became great work buddies. It was awesome! However, I remember how hard it was to get her to hangout with me outside of work. It took a while. She was introverted, very much a homebody, when we did eventually start forming a friendship outside of work, she ended up being one of most trusted friends.

What really hit it home for me, since she was very creative, I knew I could also go to her when I needed some sort of thought process figured out. She helped put things in a perspective where I shouldn’t focus on the silly stuff. Since I would get bad anxiety at times, sometimes at work it would affect me. Like I would focus on what a customer did and wouldn’t let it go. Or I would be dealing with home stuff or deal with trying to figure out what I wanted to do in life. Olivia would call me out on my way of thinking.

“Rachel, it will be alright, you just need to focus on the present.” She would always tell me.

This would definitely ring true once we all got drafted into the war and went to boot camp. She talked me out of escaping the camp many times during basic. Just focus on the present, I wish I could do the same now. But now I rather be at any other time in my life except the present.

When we talked though, I would always feel better after the conversation. Plus, we were both huge geeks! We would talk more than just our personal lives. She would love to tell me stories of her latest DnD campaigns.

“DnD?” Tom asked.

“Dungeons and Dragons, you know a table top role playing game.” I explained quickly, and he just nodded understanding what I meant.

I always meant to play with her, but I never got the chance. I was either too busy, or she had enough people at the moment to play. Her adventures though, were the stuff of great imagination. Olivia in general had great imagination, which really translated well to her art. I always kept an eye out for where she could enter her art. If she had better opportunities available to her, I think she would have really excelled early on.

If there is one thing that I want people to understand about Olivia, is just, the present is generally all that you need. Think about the past, you become trapped. Think about the future, you get scared. The present should always be your focus.


	6. Bridget the logical one

After the 5:30 forced breeding hour, I was starting to feel the ache of missing my friends. Especially one friend in particular, I wonder what they were doing now. Were they still alive? Did they get killed? I didn’t even get a chance to really say goodbye to them. Was Bridget doing okay. Tom was sitting eagerly waiting for me to start again, and I knew I had to tell him. I already told him so much already.

“Bridget was one of my friends that I knew the longest. She was always there for me no matter what.” I said with a smile. “When we first met, was one of the lowest points of my life. I was 14, having suicidal thoughts and I kept teetering between actually taking my life and living.”

“Did you have a history of mental illness before coming here?” Tom asked. I looked at him confused. Did Roberts not tell him my medical history?

“Yes, but that’s a story for a different time. I thought Roberts gave you all of my information before we met?” then I noticed an interesting expression on his face. I couldn’t really read it, but whatever, I will tell him more when I think it’s right. “Anyway I am a huge manga and anime geek.”

“What are manga?” he asks and I forget he was a mainstreamer.

“They are Japanese graphic novels that you read from left to right.” I quickly explain. “Look, not that I am pleased that you are interested in my story. But could you save any questions that refer to anything with geek culture till the end I would appreciate it.”

He just nods and I continue.

So, I had no friends at school and all I had were my manga to keep me company. I would carry them in a little green trunk everywhere I would go. The kids at my school called it my portable meth lab. I tried to ignore them as best I could, I tried to be emotionally independent. However, I could just feel my spirit breaking day after day. I didn’t think that I could last really. So, one day I was early like I usually was at school. I hung out at the computer lab and was in a corner by myself. That’s when I would meet Bridget.

“So, you like manga and anime?” I looked surprised that she came up and talked to me. I had seen her in some of my classes, she seemed to be kind of loner like I was. But to have her come up and actually start a conversation with me, well it made me think of myself a little less harshly.

You could say that the rest was history. We became fast friends, and there was a lot of reasons for that. We both came from dysfunctional homes. It was nice that I could talk to her and she would understand what was going on without judgement. We also liked anime and mangas as well as anything from Japanese culture. It was cool that there was someone I could share my interests and hobbies with.

We were the exact opposite in personality though. I am a very extroverted person, that’s why I was a huge theater kid which she was always supportive on. She was very introverted. I was optimistic, she was realistic.

Bridget was my reality check and always put things in a logical perspective. She was also very blunt and didn’t have what you would call the best bedside manner. I always felt comfortable to come to her with my problems. She was always honest in her answer, and never sugar coated anything. Plus, at times I could get a little taken with my fantasies that I had for the future. She was always there with a reality check.

As we got older, as a term of endearment I would always refer to her as my heterosexual life mate. Mainly because I saw her more as a friend, and she seemed like more than a sister to me. But I never saw her as someone I could get physically intimate with, because I never saw her as that. We however, were as close as any long-term relationship could be. So, I could never figure out a good term for it. However, when I saw the term heterosexual life mate used in the movie dogma between Jay and Silent Bob I adopted that as my own term for the relationship that I had with her.

When I realized that Bridget was going to be a big part of life no matter what it was early on in our relationship. Again I was 14 and even though I had a great time with Bridget at school, I was still falling apart emotionally. Things were getting easier having her as a friend now, but kids can be cruel.

I had a mental break down in the car on the way to school one morning. I didn’t want to go, I didn’t think I could take any more of having to deal with school life. I was already having difficulties at home, and school life just made everything worse. I stayed home for the week, and my parents set up an appointment for a therapist. I wasn’t wanting to kill myself though, with Bridget as a friend that was reason enough to stay alive. I just needed a break to get my bearings again.

When realizing that, I started to realize how important Bridget was becoming to my life. I would do anything for her, and she would do anything for me. We had each other.

I was a little nervous when Bridget got a job at the tea shop and how she would get along with Olivia and Aiden. I did warn them ahead of time what to expect of her. I remember after a month of Bridget working there Olivia asked me if she hated her. I couldn’t help but laugh a little hearing that but I reassured her that was just how she was. She was just kind of abrasive at first before she warms up to you.

“I wish I could meet them, all your friends.” Tom says, I then realized that I was quiet for a bit after my last sentence. I soon felt tears come to my eyes, I realized that this is the first time I have talked about my friends in 6 years. I looked at the clock which was reading 10 minutes to lights out.

“We should get to bed, I think I have talked enough for today.” I say as I grab the blanket.

“Then the story begins?” He asks.

“Yep, the story begins.” I tell him before I roll away from him on my side. The lights go out and I don’t know why I am telling him everything. Why did I agree to this? Maybe…I just want someone to know. I don’t have the internet anymore to use to post my rants. Even if he rapes me, in a fucked up way, at least I have someone who is willing to listen.


	7. The Story Begins

Morning comes and I am wake up to as the lights come on. We do the usual morning ritual to get ready for the day and we eat breakfast. I am trying to figure out how to start my story. I wonder if people who write their own memoirs have the same issue. Where do you start to explain who you are? What memory do you start with that gets the ball rolling? As soon as I finish my breakfast though, I know what to start with.

When it’s finally just me and Tom in the room, I can see that he is eagerly wanting to know.

“As you know North Korea sent a missile to Los Angeles and basically destroyed a whole city. Which prompted the start of the Extinction War, the U.S. president then sent an immediate order that anyone between the ages of 18- 35 were now forced to serve in war.” I start Tom nods letting me know showing that he understood.

My friends and I were soon sent our draft notices, along with troops at our door forcing us to leave our houses the same day. We had to leave behind our families, jobs, and schooling behind to fight in a war that was all started because some boy provoked a crazy leader with twitter. All I could bring with me was just the clothes on my back. I couldn’t even say goodbye to my parents, the last time that I saw my parents was them both on their knees crying at the feet of a soldier begging that I don’t go. Listing reason, upon reason to try to convince them that I should not go.

However, I went on the army truck that was also filled with young adults and I drove off. I wasn’t sure how to react at the moment. I felt that this could not be legal, that congress, or the supreme court would stop this. The citizens of the U.S. would protest. A lot of the people that I was with in the truck going to basic training were starting to cry. I just hoped that I would see my friends. That I would see a familiar face once I got to wherever the truck was going.

We arrived at the first facility, it was dark, but the base was lit up. People were getting out of their trucks and being herded into a big building. I was tired, and the truck was not a comfortable ride so I could not get comfortable. I went through the doors and it revealed a huge auditorium. Almost as big as a stadium.

“Rachel!” A familiar voice yelled. I looked up and saw my friends. I smiled relieved and when the guard wasn’t looking I headed over and sat next to them. I hugged them all and I could see that they were scared and confused as I was.

“This can’t be legal right?” Bridget asked me. I shrugged.

“I don’t think so, but the president is in control of the army. If there is a draft then we have to obey, but I highly doubt the other branches would let him continue.” She didn’t seem to like that answer, neither did Aiden or Olivia.

My mom was a lawyer and so I knew the structure and protocol on the government better than most. I wish I could call her and ask what I could do. But I couldn’t even grab my phone when they picked me up.

“Do you guy still have your phones?” I asked and they shook their head.

“They confiscated ours as soon as we sat down. You don’t have yours?” Aiden asked and I shook my head.

“They literally just forced me from my house as soon as I opened my door.” I told them.

“Same with us,” Olivia said. “I couldn’t even say goodbye to my family”

We then became really quiet and we just watched more and more people enter the auditorium. I was starting to get really scared as well. Am I going to have to fight? I have never held a gun in my life.

“Wait, before that moment you had never owned a gun? I thought Americans all had guns.” Tom said and I just smiled a bit amused at that.

“Nope, my parents were very liberal and did not like guns in the home. So I have never held or seen a gun up close in my life before I turned 18.” I told him and he seems genuinely surprised at hearing that. I then continued my story.

The lights soon went out in the auditorium and the lights came up on the stage. A very tall, buff white man wearing his uniform walked across the stage to the podium. The auditorium was so quiet that you could practically hear a pin drop. Everyone was wondering what was going to happen.

“Hello, and welcome to our base. I know right now a lot of you must be confused as to what is going on. Well, as you know your President signed an order drafting everyone from the ages of 18-35. Because of the attack by those pathetic North Koreans, the United States is under marshal law and the President has full powers till he deems the threat to be neutralized.” The auditorium erupted in hushed conversation which to he responded with a gavel hitting the podium to bring attention back to himself. “I know it may seem scary to give up your life for your country. But know that all funding is going to the army now. You are going to be given the best training in the world. We are going to prepare you for battle, and give you all the tools you need. All we ask in return is that you work with us. Listen to every order, and if you don’t.”

He then motioned offstage and a solider was bringing on a man with a black bag on his head. I saw a hand gun get pulled out from behind his uniform blazer.

“This man tried to desert his duty.” And then a loud bang echoed the auditorium and blood and a body was soon on the floor of the stage. “The penalty for desertion is death. If you try to escape or leave you will die I guarantee it. I am General Thomas, and you will now be heading to basic training. Just remember you fight with us or you die. There is no in between.”

When he left the stage the auditorium was deadly silent. The dead body was still left on the stage and soldiers were now coming in carrying machine guns pointing them at us. The didn’t separate us by name or anything. I think because there was so many of us there they just herded groups onto random trucks. Maybe it was to make sure that we would be more willing to go with them if we didn’t know any more information than what was given to us.

Luckily my friends and I were able to get on the same truck and as we headed to basic I started to shake. I was terrified. I looked at my friends, they were shaking as well. Then we just formed a group hug. Trying to calm each other down as well as make sure we didn’t do anything stupid. Once we all stopped shaking we split apart and started to talk in hushed tones.

“Once we get to basic we need to come up with a plan,” I start to say.

“You are not thinking of escaping?” Bridget asked and I shook my head.

“No, it’s too risky at the moment. They are going to be expecting that from a lot of people right now.” I say. “I mean we need to make sure that we have a plan for when we go to war. To ensure our survival.”

“But what if we don’t. None of us have much experience in combat. We were still in the beginners class in aikido even.” Olivia pointed out.

“I don’t want to die, I want to finish school, I want to go back home.” Aiden piped in.

“That’s why once we start basic we need to rely on each other. We have to form a plan. And we have to make sure that we are in the same unit. We will survive we have each other.” I said.

“Rachel, we may not even be in the same unit. Hell we may not even go through basic together. What are we going to do then.” Bridget points out.

“Don’t worry, I have an idea. Just follow my lead once we get to basic okay. I will make sure that we at least get through basic together.” I promise them all.

The looked unsure and I didn’t blame them. Who knew what was going to happen once this truck stopped. We drove for hours, and we took turns napping. We rested our heads on each other’s shoulders and tried to get some rest. When the truck finally stopped we all stepped out and the camp we were at looked more like a prison.

There was concrete walls with barb wire on top, with a guard tower every few feet. There was a main building with two separate buildings on either side. Each labeled male and female. I had a feeling that this was not what a typical basic training camp looked like. We only split up by gender and herded to the labeled cabin. We could pick our own beds and we were able to get two bunk beds in the corner of the room.

“Attention!” ringed through the room and we stood by the aisle and a man, with a southwest accent started to talk. I can’t really remember what he looked like, which is funny, because he would soon become a very important person later. All I can remember is his voice. Which was like audible butter, but I will get more into that later. “Welcome ladies, I am Drill Sargent Jack, but when you respond to me you are to always reply with Yes, Drill Sargent Jack. Do you understand?”

“Yes, Drill Sergeant Jack,” we all said in unison but not loudly.

“If I don’t hear all of you say this loudly I will make you do laps around the entire camp. Now, do you understand!” he repeated.

“Yes, Drill Sergeant Jack!” We said like how he wanted and he nodded.

“You are now in the army, you are going to be learning all the tools necessary to not be an idiot out in the field. You are going to be work hard, and pushed to the brink. You are going to be in pain, exhausted, and tired daily. If I see so much as any sort of rebellion, you will be punished. If you don’t meet your goals as a group, you will be punished. And if I so much see anyone try to escape you will be dealt with. We are to work together, eat together, and sleep together. I expect team work to be a part of every fiber of your being.” I mistakenly rolled my eyes at that and well I guessed he noticed. “You, what is your name?”

“Rachel, Drill Sargent Jack” I responded back and he seemed impressed with my response.

“With that eye roll you have now volunteered to be your unit’s representative. If you so much as act a toe out of line. Everyone will be punished along with you.” I nearly dropped my jaw in shock but I kept a neutral face as best as I could. “And I will add more and more people to this group if I keep seeing behavior like that. Do you understand?” he asked.

“Yes, Drill Sargent Jack!” We respond back stronger, all of us afraid to get punished.

“Good, now get some sleep, in the morning your new life begins.” When he left everyone then just stared at me. It was a mixture of hate and sympathy was directed towards me. I didn’t say anything though I just climbed onto the top bunk. Bridget took the bottom and Olivia and Aiden took the bunk bed next to us.

There was quiet murmuring around us, and we were just quiet. I didn’t know what to say at the moment, and soon the lights went out. We all soon fell asleep, and it felt like we were asleep for like 10 minutes. When I woke up next it was with the lights up and yelling from Drill Sargent Jack. I got out of bed and behind the drill Sargent was two soldiers handing us duffle bags from a cart.

“Good morning ladies, I hope you all slept well. In this bag is all that you own now. You will find two uniforms. Tooth brush, shampoo, tooth paste, and boots. These are your items that you are allowed to keep. Now, shower, change and be out from for drills in one hour. If you are late, you will be punished. Do you understand?” he said as he looked directly at me.

“Yes, Drill Sergeant Jack!” we said in unison, the way he wanted. He then nodded and left us.

We all soon showered and got dressed. I looked in the mirror as the green shirt and pant fatigues and I looked so different. I looked at my friends and as we were in line waiting to start they too looked a lot different now. Our individuality was going to be lost, we were not going to be part of a group. Then an idea came to my head. Something that I couldn’t tell my friends now, but if we were going to survive this we had to keep who we are intact.

Morning warm ups sucked! You know how those health nuts say you eventually get a high from working out too much. Yeah that never happened to me, ever, in my life, and the army didn’t help. Sure I got in shape and was able to do the exercises a lot easier once I lost weight. But I never once got a high from it.

First day of basic is always the worst. And my group we barely made it through our morning exercises. He kept stopping by me during the whole time taunting me.

“ You better complete these exercises private Rachel. If I see you quit then we are going to start the whole warm up all over again. Do you understand?” he asked.

“Yes Drill Sergeant Jack,” I yelled out as I was trying to complete my pushups.

“Did he make your life hell during basic?” Tom interrupted breaking me from my thoughts.

“No, not really, I later found out that he was actually a really cool guy. With a voice that could trigger 10 orgasms at once.” And I laughed when I saw Tom’s surprised face at hearing that.

Anyway, once we were done with our exercises we formed two lines and headed to the mess hall. The rest of the day consisted of running after breakfast, then we had basic combat, we also had classes, then we had more running, lunch, more running with an obstacle course, then we had dinner, and then an hour of relaxation and then bed.

When it came to our hour of relaxation my friends and I were able to talk with some privacy.  I basically told them my plan.

“Look they are going to expect us to give our individualistic personalities, and we can’t do that.” I tell them.

“You are right, we gotta maintain who we are, but make sure to keep up the camaraderie.” Bridget agreed and I was glad for that.

“I know just the thing.” Olivia said as I could see the gears turn in her head.

“You don’t mean…you think that would work?” Aiden asked and we all knew what we had to do. We were going to finally all play some DnD together and we were going to get the others to play. But first we needed a notebook, and well, for the first day we didn’t really have ready access to it. Which mean that one of us had to go ask for it.

Everyone immediately looked at me. I wanted to refuse at first, but Bridget did make a good point.

“He pointed you out first, you are the representative of the group. Maybe you could just see if you can get at least one notebook.” Bridget said and I nodded.

I walked out of the bunk house and I headed to the D.I. house. Now there was two D.I.s one for the ladies and one for the men. The D.I.s and the extra guards were in a bunk house behind the main building. I walked over and knocked on the door. The door opens and I see one of the same Soldiers from before in the morning and he was confused as to why I was there.

“I am here to speak to Drill Sergeant Jack.” I said and the soldier just eyed me a little then turned his head back and called for him. Drill Sergeant Jack soon appeared at the door. I saluted him immediately. “Sir, I was wondering if I could have notebook and some pencils?”

“What is the reason for the need of these resources?” he asked and I keep a serious face.

“Because we need it so that we can play DnD sir!” I say back and I just heard him chuckle slightly.

“At ease private you can speak freely.” When I was told that I then put my hands behind my back but I looked at him. “DnD huh? Never really got into myself, but I can understand why you would need a notebook.”

It was at that moment I realized how sexy his voice really was. Hearing that drawl. I wondered if he was going to give us the notebook or be a dick. At the moment it could have gone either way.  

“I can get you what you need. Why do you want to play DnD?” he asked.

“Well, we aren’t allowed internet or tv. I can’t call my family, and the only books we have are only given to us once a day in a class room setting. If you want us to not go insane, I suggest you let us play this game.”

“Sounds like a good enough reason to me.” He said with a nod. He went back into the house and came back with 4 notebooks and pencils. “Here you go private,” he handed me the stack. “Now I expect no more of the eye rolling now.”

To which I then purposely rolled my eyes and he just laughed at that. Even the sound of his laugh was sexy. It was weird how a guy that I can’t remember what his face even looks like, his voice still resonates with me. I thought it was weird that this guy was having such an effect on me.

I get back to the bunk house and my friends smile. Lights outs soon happened after but everything was going according to plan.

“So I am confused what was the plan exactly?” Tom asked, and I realized that I didn’t explain it all that well.

“Well, as you know the point of the army is giving up your individuality for the group. It’s to reinforce the mindset to protect each other as well as fight. And you see that does work for a certain group of people. People who are willing to do that for their country, I have huge respect for. But that wasn’t me, neither was it going to be my friends. All the girls in the bunk house a majority were a lot like us. We didn’t really have aspirations for the army. Yet, a lot of us who had just started their senior year of high school, the government was expecting us to take a gun and fight in a war.” I was hoping he was getting my train of thought at this moment. “Since we had an hour of relaxation hour, we decided that we were going to make this our individuality time. We were going to set the example and hopefully the others will follow. This ended up being a very important time of day for a lot of us.”

Tom nodded getting what I was talking about, at least I hope he understood at least. We got our note books and the first hour we all made dice out of paper. The other bunk mates of the hall took notice at what we were doing. Next thing we know 3 more were joining us to make paper dice. The others just looked on till it was lights out.

This was the start we were expecting, we were going to create a new culture in the army. Where you give up life for your country, but you don’t have to sacrifice your personality along with your body. At least that’s what we were going for. This was mainly to one: we would be less likely to try to escape, especially if we somewhat enjoyed being there. Two: We would ensure the comradery without it feeling it forced. There is one thing that I give the army props for is that it is a great equalizer. It didn’t matter which background you came from you were going to work with someone who are going to be richer than you. Someone who is going to have a different religion, etc. If you were going to have a hang up about that, tough, these were people you were going to fight alongside them so get used to it.  

Yet, we did have a ton of problems the first week. We had a lot of people struggling to get along with each other. I remember there was these two women. One was a rich white woman with bottled blonde hair, the other was well a poor black woman with dreads. I mean they were complete opposites in every way. With how we lined up, there were paired together a lot and I remember more than once our entire group go punished because they would not work together at all. It was annoying, and it’s not like I didn’t have problems with other woman in my training unit. And I could sympathize with the Black woman somewhat the rich which woman was not making things easy for her.

This was happening the first week, and on Friday after getting punished after those two were fighting again I knew I had to figure something out. My friends and I were talking about it at breakfast that morning.

“How about a music night?” Bridget suggested.

“How are we going to get music?” Aiden asked and she did have a point. This whole first week we had nothing electronic to keep us entertained. We’ve been relying on pretty much notebooks and the help of Olivia and our imaginations. It was getting fun, and our group was getting bigger each day as well as having on lookers to our adventures.

“Well, maybe Rachel could work her magic and get something that can give us music.” Olivia said and soon they were all looking at me. I shook my head immediately.

“No, I mean notebooks are one thing, but if I go to him and ask for music I high doubt he will give it to me. Besides, I don’t think I am the favorite as everyone thinks.” And everyone rolled their eyes at me when hearing me.

“Oh please Rachel, you two have been staring at each other for the week and everyone, including me and feel the sexual between you two.” Bridget said.

And they weren’t wrong. After getting the notebooks from him. I have been noticing him looking at me or standing just a little longer where I was going exercises. I was doing the same, especially in the mornings where I would see him come out of the shower house, shirt off with only jeans. Again, I can’t really remember what his body looked like, but whenever he would yell out order or be by me, just hearing his voice…man that would get me going.

“Did you guys ever sleep with each other?” Tom asked.

“Hold on, it’s called build up, I can’t just tell you” I said a little peeved that he broke my train of thought. Then the next thing I know lunch gets announced. Tom and I stand by the door.

“So then what happened, did you get your music night?” Tom asked as Justin Nurse came in and I got a wonderful idea.

“Hey could you please get me a stereo, and a boombox with access to early 2000s music. And get me a variety, I am talking about pop, hip hop, rock, emo etc. Can you get me that and I don’t care how much it costs.” Justin nurse was surprised, he knew what I was asking for was going to be add at least $500 to my accruing debt.

“Are you sure?” he said as we sat down. I nodded enthusiastically.

“A good story has to be entertaining, and plus,” I looked over to Tom and winked at him a little. “Every story has to have its own soundtrack.”

Justin Nurse just nodded and left as we ate. I am getting excited now. The next part I was going to tell him was going to fun.


End file.
